This is a sequel to my earlier post featuring Emmanuel. The first part is a rehashing of what went before.
Back on October 13th, I was contacted by a scammer with this format:
**DELIVERY AGENT OF SUN TRUST BANK OF AMERICA USA
**IM JENNIFER SANDRA AND I’M HERE AS THE DELIVERY AGENT OF SUN TRUST BANK OF AMERICA USA SO ALL YOU NEED TO DO NOW IS TO GET ME YOUR FULL INFORMATION AND A PICTURE OF YOU SO THAT I WILL PROCEED IMMEDIATELY WITH THE DELIVERY SO GET BACK TO ME ASAP
**> **
**JENNIFER SANDRA.
**> **
**PLS BE SINCERE WITH ME.
**> **
**WE ARE VERY VERY READY TO DELIVER YOUR FUNDS SMOOTH AND SUCCESSFUL ONE
I responded as a senile old man who hadn’t got a clue about…well, pretty much anything. After days of leading Jennifer in circles, my elderly gentleman wound up sending gift cards off to another scammer (me again). The original scammer begged my fake scammer character to have mercy and send him the card codes. Upon being asked what he wanted the money for he replied:
Video games and a night at the clubs.
I decided I must bait this twerp to hell and back. So here’s what happened:
My fake scammer asked forgiveness for the gift card theft, and then decided to make it up to Jennifer, (who admitted “her” real name was Emmanuel and that “she” lived in a little town named Owerri) by letting him help with co-scamming a client. The client was a megachurch, and they were looking to donate to Nigerian orphanages. All Emmanuel had to do was pretend to own an orphanage.
Only problem is - I am also the pastor of the megachurch.
Emmanuel sent in his “Help our orphans” scam letter to my pastor character. The pastor demanded proof of faith prior to donating. Emmanuel was to hold a sign reading “GLORY TO THE HOLY LAMB - MATTHEW 4:19” complete with a hand-drawn lamb symbol. He complied:
Not acceptable! I wrote back asking if he had a bad case of facial leprosy. This embarrassed him into sending a good photo:
So now he thought he would get his money. But he went further. Emmanuel asked the pastor for PCs and video games, for the children of course 
This stuff was all mailed to Emmanuel. But we needed to make sure our post office worker in Nigeria did not deliver such an expensive box to a thief, so Emmanuel had to send in his full body photo:
Emmanuel would’ve gotten the box - but the Nigerian mailman, an Igbo guy named Jaja, ran over a goat in the road and crashed. Too bad.
End of first post------------
Things got pretty hectic. The van would be disabled for two days because the only qualified repairman kived in another city. Emmanuel was given the option to travel 300 miles to Benin City, where Jaja was stranded, or wait. He chose to wait.
Jaja, while waiting, proceeded to get drunk and party. He sent repeated drunken texts to Emmanuel talking about all the girls and champagne and of course the money he was wasting. Emmanuel withered away under this treatment as is to be expected. Jaja’s wild life caught up to him though, and when the day finally came for him to deliver the box to Emmanuel, he was too drunk to drive.
There would be another delay.
Once again, Emmanuel was given the choice to wait or travel. He chose to wait. As usual, when Emmanuel waits, things get worse. So I threw new mess in the story.
Jaja was drunk and kidnapped by Nigerian bandits. The bandits found his box full of computers and money of course, but the leader, Kariola, had a heart and wrote Emmanuel asking if he wanted to pick up his box. Of course the lad agreed. But there was one condition: that he get tattooed. Otherwise, the robbers wouldn’t trust him. We struggled over this and finally I had to give it up. Emmanuel did not have the money to get a tattoo and his brother wouldn’t loan him any. A pity.
Kariola once again offered Emmanuel the option of travel. This time, it was 330 miles to Abuja. Emmanuel, desperate, accepted.
Once again, everything went crazy. First, he took the road that he thought was better, instead of the road I suggested. Sure enough, I got this email:
Still in lagos I run out of petrol
He wasn’t even supposed to be in Lagos. What happened? Simple. Emmanuel decided his idea of the local roads was better than my Nigerian friend’s idea of the roads. He took the road I told him not to take and stranded himself.
I hate to say, I chewed the little suckerbug out:
What is happening… What is going on with you, did you run out of petrol on the roadway? You must respond back, where is the box and what is happening with Kariola and his men?
They are still with the box. And i have some bad news.
Then where are you? Why haven’t you got it yet and where are you? What’s this bad news?
I took the other road and I then run out of petrol. Am in Lagos still, i need help i don’t know anyone.
My fake scammer character doesn’t abide fools, and Emmanuel getting himself stranded after disobeying instructions is the pinnacle of folly. Time for a slap:
You did what?! You took the south road, not the north LIKE I TOLD YOU? You then ran out of petrol. In Lagos? How could that have happened, didn’t you plan ahead for the trip? Lagos is over 300 miles from where you’re supposed to find the box and Kariola’s guys in Abuja. How can you have gotten this lost and out of petrol?!
[color=#FF0]NEXT TIME - Emmanuel travels 600 more miles, runs out of gas again, gets rescued by his brother, leaves home after being rescued, fights with ninjas, and to make matters worse, makes a complete donkey of himself in front of the CEO of FedEx.[/color]
Stay tuned!